Results and Robots. And Waitrose.

I have been offered a job at Waitrose. This surprises me a bit, partly because it is neither the position nor hours that I applied for, and partly because the group interview I was made to attend was one of the single most baffling experiences of my life, and I was fairly sure I had exposed myself as a bumbling incoherent nincompoop in said interview. I mean, I was made to 'sell' a pot of spanish saffron to my interviewer and the rest of the group. It went something like 'Er, well this saffron is Spanish *long pause* And its made in Spain! So really Spanish, you know, not anything from um.. China. Or Taiwan. These days you get a lot of artificial... overseas... and um, mass produced. Or something *second long pause* Also its recycleable!'

Well ok, it was a bit better than that, because I threw some posh words around. But you get the idea. I also had to give a presentation on myself, and we had to do a bunch of 'team exercises' which involved making posters and getting in line according to date of birth etc. and watch an extremely happy (bordering on brainwashingesque) Waitrose promotional dvd, starring a fat man with the scary enthusiasm of a cult leader and the bald shiny head of a skin-coloured bowling ball. And the attractive too-small green shirt of the waitrose corporation.

But anyway, i'm happy I got the job even if the hours are a bit shitty. It means I can FINALLY leave waitressing! FOREVER! And soon hopefully, before they realise that they keep accidentally paying me for one hour more than i'm owed, or discover CCTV footage of me secretly eating their biscuits behind the shelf in the pot room. Or more to the point, actually notice how phenomenally shit I am everything waitress-inspired, fire me, and call every shop in town to warn them about me.

In other news, I got my AS level results a couple of days ago. All Bs. I was actually thrilled with this - the voice of doom in my head had been telling me for a long time that I had definately failed psychology, and i'd been having some quite disturbing dreams about recieving my results. These dreams ranged from your simple get-to-school-and-find-out-you've-failed-everything dream, to one in which I got all As, but a large hamster in a beret (that was for some reason my brothers new pet) ate my results and no one would believe I'd passed. Consequently I had to sit my exams again under the supervision of large chrome robots who kept stealing my pen and laughing at me. Robots can be very cruel. Then I was sent to work at the new sainsburys that had opened up next door to school, because all the distractions had ruined my career prospects and rendered me incapable of doing anything other than bagging groceries in a shell-shocked manner.




But everyone has wired dreams like that right??